This Brown Girl's Diary

I never really embraced my natural hair until I found my self going bald. When I took that leap of faith and decided to get the big chop I was really left with nothing but my face, and dignity. I was empowered by pictures of Erykah Badu and Michele wearing low cuts that I could to wear my head with pride. I guess I let my hair define me for so long that when I cut it off I lost all my titles. My Dad even looked at me and said, “That don’t look lady like.” Don’t get me wrong I love my father but I had to hear such bad looks from the rest of the world at least when I came home I could get a little support but whatever I was leaving for my second year of college in a week so I didn’t have to put up with him for long but I couldn’t help but wonder what others would think. 

When it was time for me to walk on campus with my less than an inch length of hair I was TERRIFIED!!! I took the back way to campus that avoided the more populated parts of campus and took the stairs in the back of the building and would try to avoid the 10:50s, 11:50s and so on because that was when everyone was running to class and I didn’t want anyone to see me. NOW THIS WAS WAAAY Before going natural with an short short afro was popular. Growing up on that creamy crack since I was seven I don’t think I ever seen my natural hair. So I got stairs, I got looked at, and I noticed guys didn’t speak to me in a retarded way. Girls thought I was daring and cute, and asked me what products I used and how I got my hair to shine and curl the way it does. Contrary to my white america born belief my hair was thick and and soft and curly. I go to a PWI (predominately white institution) White people loved my look. I wasn’t hidden by pounds and pounds of weave. I didn’t need it. Thank god too because I have edges!! My hair can actually grow long and possibly as long as I want it to grow because Im not damaging my hair. All the compliments I received and this new found understanding I have about my hair and how to take care of  it help me develop a confidence in myself that I never had. For once I feel as confident. Now it’ll be two years this August and my hair is longer than when I cut it and probably the longest its ever been in my life and I’ma watch it keep growing! 

I don’t know but I can honestly say that cutting all my hair off was the one thing I have ever done that Im so happy I did and will never regret doing. After six months I had a nice size curly fro and I started noticing other girls began doing the big chop. Not saying I started a trend but I don’t know it felt nice not to be alone and I applaud those girls for finding the confidence in themselves to say you know what Im not my hair and creamy crack doesn’t make me beautiful. *CLAP *CLAP Ladies 

P.S. FOR ALL the HATERS like wanna be Oprah Ms. Wendy Williams who like to shoot down Proud African American Women in front of our white counter parts, or store that self hate in them to where they can not accept themselves or the beauty in other women sporting their natural hair CHIIIIIIIIILD GTFOHWTBS! Keep Loosing your edges, burning out your hair, while watching our hair grow. Boop Bye

~BrownGirl 

During girl time I am use to the girls dishing about their love lives. How good they are and how bad they are I’ve heard it all. I have recently found myself in a stable relationship with a nice guy and I really never knew how calm it can be to be involved in a romantic and mature relationship with someone could be. Now when I’m having group discussions with the girls about their relationships the foolishness that I hear and how willing they are to accept it is mind boggling! Girl are you really not seeing the drama for what it is? Is his dick really that good to where you’ll allow him to fall between your legs and go to his girlfriend the next day (even though he was with you before they were together and she was a associate in your click of friends but that is another story), or the guy that you talk to for years and decide that you two have an open relationship which allows you to talk to other guys so that he knows how wanted you are but if he was to look at any other girl there is a problem and you want to BEAT A HOE ASS! Why don’t you just be in a committed relationship?! Why set yourself up for all the drama. 

I also realized that I use to take too much advise from my girlfriends. I think you have to weigh the information that is given and from who it is given. Now some people give good advice but on the other hand some people should not give any advice what so ever.By that I mean in my beginning college years I realized that I was in a very spiteful relationship with a guy that treated me less than perfect and that caused me to be depressed and spiteful, always looking for payback. With the friend telling me that he was just very immature and thats how guys are. Sure he may have been immature but all guys are not like that! I had that misconception and wanted to play every guy I met like it was a game and found myself in even worse relationships. When it came to my new relationship the same friend tried to give me relationship advice and I would want to take advice from because she doesn’t have a stable, healthy relationship. Also the fact that instead of encouraging a bad relationship she should have advised that I deserved a healthier relationship but she said, “No, when a girl is in a relationship you just nod and encourage to work it out.” WHAAT?! SO if a guy is beating you I’m supposed to say it’ll be ok?! BITCH YOU TRIPPIN!

But Im noticing a lot of people love the drama filled relationships. When the drama stops then they don’t care any more. That type of immaturity lasts in relationships even when people are grown as fuck and still in fucked up, unstable relationships where divorce is at an all time high! We need to get to the root of problems early on and nip that shit in the bud immediately!!  Be careful who you let that in your head and into your relationships. Sometimes you have to step back and look at your relationships and ask is everything ok. Don’t allow someone to treat you a certain way that you don’t want to be treated. Its about complete trust, and comfort.